A couple of weeks ago Moon’s brother got engaged to his long term girlfriend. I’m happy for them but I guess there are a few things that make it strange for me – not in an out of turn way and not at all in a bitchy way like that first part makes it sound.
Knowing Moon’s brother from when he was 15 and seeing him grow into the 23 year-old man he’s become, particularly seeing him make such a huge ‘grown up’ step is quite strange to watch. I don’t mean that in the sense that he shouldn’t be doing it, I guess it’s more of a self-conscious thing about someone younger doing something before me, it’s like when you find out an actor or singer are 18 and you look at your own life and wonder what you’ve accomplished.
Before you go there, I’m not the kind of person to make comparisons like this really, although I know it’s only human, I also think it’s weak as hell and comparing myself to others by way of caring what other people think has never really been my bag. I’m more likely to get anxious over something I’ve done rather than something I haven’t.
Do people in long-term post-teen relationships feel like they’re missing out?
I often wonder whether people in long-term puppy-love relationships such as mine, who haven’t ‘made that step’ feel like they’re missing out on something. When Moon and I first got together, I was 16, if you’d have told me almost 8 and a half years down the line that we’d still be together, I reckon 16 year-old me would expect to have had a wedding and at least be on to planning on having a baby by now, 25 seems so old when you’re that age.
Now that I am 25, I see that it’s not old at all, there are so many things that I’ve yet to achieve, not from lack of experience or desire but just because I’m not ready. It’s not something that’s easy to explain because not being ready for something is so subjective but I’m not ready to jet off round the world or buy a house or have a baby or get engaged. I want those things at some point in the future, but I don’t want them now, I’m still getting over figuring the day-to-day stuff out.
I figured that with the news of Moon’s brother’s engagement travelling around his family that questions about our relationship would arise. Moon and I have been together for over double the time they have, and that’s not a ‘big I am’, it’s just how time works. Being realistic, in the same timescale Moon and I were 20 years old by that point in our relationship and still at university, were we really ready for anything at that stage? Now we’re 8 years in and I don’t see myself with anyone else, I see myself buying a house with him and setting up a real home, we’ll worry about weddings later.
We’ve never even been to a wedding together before.
Out of our close-knit (and wonderful) group of 10 friends, we are one of four couples and even the couple that seems to be at a wedding together every other week don’t seem like they’re going to be putting a ring on it anytime soon. As stupid as it sounds, peer pressure is a thing and there just isn’t any here. Our friends in couples are long term and happy, just like us but don’t seem to be ready either. Maybe it’s our generation, maybe (hopefully not) they’re being courteous to the fact Moon and I have been together the longest and therefore should ‘go first’ but, and this is probably going to be my canned response if I end up having this talk with Moon’s Nana, it is what it is and we’re happy so everything else can come after.
In the last two years, venturing outside of my ‘peer group’, I’ve seen a couple who aren’t married but have been together for 25 years with a mortgage, a cat and no TV while on the flip-side, I’ve met a lady who was married by the time she was my age, separated before giving birth to their first child and divorced before she turned 30.
It would be a very boring place if we all did things in a regimented way at the same time, as I grow (and I always feel like I am doing just that), the differences I see never fail to amaze me.
Admittedly, I would be sad if I didn’t see a ring on my finger in the future, it’s silly, sentimental, girly and not really me but it’s true. Put it this way, I’m not actually sad right now and I’m not in a rush. I feel like with each year we’re happier and more comfortable with each other and we’re just so lucky to have each other – sometimes I could burst – it comes down to each to their own.
Beaky interference and the stress that comes with comparison is tricky but all we can do is continue to celebrate life events in our family, and I’m happy for Moon’s brother and his new fiancé.